I'm really anxious tonight. I decided last Saturday that last Sunday would be my last slacker Sunday for a bit. That I would get up and get the kidlets dressed and get myself off to meeting on time.
Well.
So tonight Max and I went to Sears and bought the boy new pants, a new belt, new dress socks, a new casual-dress shirt (cause he's only nearly nine and I don't think he *really* needs the white shirt and blue tie yet), and then I picked up similar things for the twins who insist on continuing to grow.
Then we came home. And I started thinking about going tomorrow morning and I just worried more and more and more.
What if we don't fit in here? It's never really seemed to matter much to me before. I haven't tended to be a fitter-inner most of my life and why should I start worrying about it now?
But -- we're never moving again. Ever, ever. So this is it -- this is where my twins will be baptised, where they'll go to Seminary, where they'll come home to visit when they come home to visit.
And what if it's HORRIBLE? What if they think I'm fat and homely and comment on the fact that my last home dye job didn't take exactly the way I wanted? (I'm more than 50% gray now I gather and I think Ihave to pay the good money most of the time now. It's okay. It's just not pretty.) What if they think only goobers homeschool and that I wore the wrong thing to church? What if I don't pass muster? What if I don't make any friends?
But mostly, what if they don't like me? In my next life I'm coming back as an extrovert. I don't like feeling like this.
Well.
So tonight Max and I went to Sears and bought the boy new pants, a new belt, new dress socks, a new casual-dress shirt (cause he's only nearly nine and I don't think he *really* needs the white shirt and blue tie yet), and then I picked up similar things for the twins who insist on continuing to grow.
Then we came home. And I started thinking about going tomorrow morning and I just worried more and more and more.
What if we don't fit in here? It's never really seemed to matter much to me before. I haven't tended to be a fitter-inner most of my life and why should I start worrying about it now?
But -- we're never moving again. Ever, ever. So this is it -- this is where my twins will be baptised, where they'll go to Seminary, where they'll come home to visit when they come home to visit.
And what if it's HORRIBLE? What if they think I'm fat and homely and comment on the fact that my last home dye job didn't take exactly the way I wanted? (I'm more than 50% gray now I gather and I think Ihave to pay the good money most of the time now. It's okay. It's just not pretty.) What if they think only goobers homeschool and that I wore the wrong thing to church? What if I don't pass muster? What if I don't make any friends?
But mostly, what if they don't like me? In my next life I'm coming back as an extrovert. I don't like feeling like this.
4 comments:
Dear, dear Alaska
There's NO WAY any of the things you are worrying about will come to pass! Do you know how delighted I would be to have you move in to my ward?? It is such a treat to see a new face, new children, and know that HERE is the opportunity to make a new friend? You have such a delightful personality and outlook on life, you will quickly become an integral part of your new ward family.
I am an introvert x 10, so truly, I know how you feel. And I won't pretend that it will probably take some time to get to know people. But keep going, week after week. To me, the people I want to get to know the MOST are those who, like me, keep doing what they know to be right, even when it is hard, week after week. I hate it when someone stops coming to church after two or three weeks, just as I was getting up the courage to get to know them!
So, think instead: What if it's GREAT?? What if the lesson tomorrow in RS is something I really, really need to hear? What if my boys have a wonderful Primary teacher and make some new friends? What if there's a special person waiting at church for a friend like me to walk in the door?
Have a great Sunday!
What if they are perfect? What if they have a home schooling group that is slightly classical and slightly relaxed? What if their Boy Scout troop is wonderful and exciting and run by people who actually like kids and plan thoughtful events. What if the talks are never boring and always have something deep to say?
What if the kids go charging down the jumping for joy to be in Primary again? What if the RS pres is wearing a really bad toupe?
I feel that wau EVERY SINGLE TIME we move and we've moved a lot in the last 6 years. It just takes time. You will fit, you will find your place, you will find a kindred spirit! And it might take time. I've been in this new ward since September and I still only have a hand full of friends. Will that change, yes. Probably about the time we move again. Then I won't want to leave, but I will because I know in my heart it will happen again. Just be thankful that you're not like me. I have a really hard time fitting because of the homebirth, no vaccine, cloth diaper, no crappy food thiing. It is really hard for people to comprehend those things when I mention them.
The key I've found is to go to Enrichment Night. You'll have more time to get to know people. A more relaxed atmostphere, with refreshments, that always helps. And homeschooling os totally a LDS thing. You will find at least 1 person who does it too. I can almost assure you of this fact. It'll be great. Maybe not right away, but it will get there with effort on your part. Besides they helped you move they are expecting you. They know you're out there and they want to get to know you, and they are unsure where you stand with church. Go and show them you are active and want to be a part of the wonderful community that we have all over the world. I must say it's a wonderful feeling to know that no matter where we go there is always a place for us with people who we have at least one thing in common with, the gospel. Have a wonderful Sunday and see you Friday!
S.
"In my next life I'm coming back as an extrovert." ROFLOL
Me too.
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