Four Years Ago

Tuesday, October 30th, 2001

I've now been here 24 days and there are 17 days to go. Dr. Danilenko has set the c-section date for November 16th at 8am. It's great to have an end date. I want so much to hold you two and KNOW that you are SAFE and sound.

Tomorrow I get bathroom priveleges back which means I get to walk down the hall to take a REAL SHOWER (and burn the bed pan!!!!) A huge return to freedom.

Alice brought by two burb rags she sewed herself. They have cute teddy bears on them. Chris put your crib together and set it up in our room. I cried because he didn't bring a picture. I might be a wee bit sensitive since being incarcerated hospitalized.

Saturday, November 3

Well, I'm two days late on Jason's birthday present and Gaye's is tomorrow. Chris is going to bring in his computer this afternoon and we're going to see what we can find for them.

Only 13 days to go until your birthday. I can't wait. Sometime this week I should have a little work to do on the book I'm editing for Xxx. That might help time pass more quickly. I also need to finish L.R.'s scarf this week (for Christmas) so I can finish Max's.

Tuesday, November 6

Ten days to go and I'm worn out with waiting.

Wednesday, November 7

Nine days to go and sleeping is so tough. I'm so physically uncomfortable that I just don't sleep well. I don't like taking the sleeping pills they offer me, but I can't live with the consequences (no sleep at all) if I don't. It is only getting harder to be away from Chris and Max. A week from today I get the third and final shot to mature their your lungs. I pray the next nine days pass quickly.

Sunday, November 11

I've been daydreaming of all the things we'll do once you are out here in the world. The Holiday season is swiftly approaching and there is the tree to decorate, and Christmas shopping to do. Christmas cards and baby announcements to mail out. Visits to Santa (for Max) to fit in. Donna is visiting to help next week and Gaye is coming for 2 weeks in December. The next few months will be hectic [Ed: Shyah, I had NO CLUE.] A nice change of pace after all this lying around. I can't wait to be busy again.

I can't eat any more than a few bites of solids. It won't stay down. I wake two or three times a night now just to throw up. Whichever one of you is sitting on my stomach could maybe move?

Wednesday, November 14

It's very good to be so much closer to Friday, but the minutes are starting to tick by. I have enough to do--work, knitting, reading, and God bless Animal Planet. If it weren't for Animal Cops I'd have nothing to watch. I have no attention span though. Maybe the sleeping thing? It's taking me forever to get through my work folder.

I had the last shot today to mature your lungs. They like to get that in 48 hours before delivery, so they did that at 7 am. It's 10:30 am now. Maybe by this time on Friday, you'll be born.

I'm getting tired. It will soon be nap time. Muy mind makes lists of things you will need: onesies, gowns, socks, and a diaper pail . . .

Thursday, November 15

Physically, things are going downhill fast. I'm tired of throwing up all over myself. I can't breathe. I can't move. I wasn't designed to be this size. Mentally I think I'm a little over the edge. I'm saved by knowing that you will be delivered tomorrow morning.

Alice will be visiting this evening. Chris will be spending the evening with Max having a "dude" night. I finished my work project today and sent it back to California. Little by little, loose ends are being tied up and I'm feeling more and more ready for tomorrow!

I'm 50 inches around, weigh 218 lbs, and have the fundal height of a someone who has been pregnant for 48 weeks. THAT is enough. You are 34w2d gestation tomorrow. It will be your birthday.

I have waited forever for you and at last you are due to arrive.



+++++++

What a wild first year that was.

Thor had some adjustment issues. Here he is sucking on a binky.



Hard to blame him. They were eating his food.



Max adjusted just fine.



It was messy, three boys.



When they find out you're expecting twins people warn you all the time about how hard it is, as if you hadn't the intelligence to figure that out on your own. It is stressful.




But I try to warn expecting mother's of twins that they'll look back on their days before they had twins and know something was lacking. As each day passes, more and more of it will be spent with a couple of really wonderful, joyous, giving, people who understand at a deep genetic level that sharing isn't taking turns.




Thank you, again Ben and Milo. You taught me that prayers are answered, that even the undeserving can receive more than one miracle, (and yes, that I never, ever want to pee in a bed pan again).

Happy, Happy Birthday tomorrow.

++++++

And now, a scene from Monday night.

Mom: What do you guys want for your birthday?

Milo: cake

Ben: no, CHOColate cake

Milo: Yeah! Yeah!---

Ben: No, CHOColate cake with chocolate ICE CREAM.

Milo: Yeah! Yeah!

Mom: I meant, what did you want for a present?

Milo and Ben: cake!

[Ben starts to panic]

Ben: Cake! Chocolate ice cream cake! Is . . . is what we want!

Mom: I know, I know, we'll get that what I meant was--

[Milo starts to cry.]

Mom: [sighs] Sweetie, what's the matter?

Milo: I [sob] I [sob] We want [sob] THE CAKE!

[Mom gives up. It's probably my gene pool that caused this emotional reaction to the mere idea of chocolate depravation.]

Mom: Baby, we will. We will get the cake.

Milo and Ben: Now?!?!?

Mom: No. Wednesday.

Milo and Ben: oh.

[sad moment of silence.]

Milo: Okay!

Ben: Chocolate ICE CREAM cake!