Before the rumors get too outrageous, I would like to clarify what did and did not happen to my client last night. First of all, the rumors of drugs and alcohol involved are absolutely not true. Besides the obvious issue that Alaska doesn't indulge in those items, and the fact that those items would not be allowed on school grounds, there's also the obvious truth that had those items been involved, Alaska would have been out cold (having no tolerance) and it wouldn't have been possible for what transpired to occur anyway.
At any rate, we reluctantly confirm that it is true that in the absence of anyone else at all stepping up to the plate, my client did accept the nomination and unanimous vote of the 6 other parents at the meeting, making her the PAC (like PTO) president of the charter school for 2007-2008.
She acknowledges that her intention to go EXPRESSLY to make sure that DIDN'T happen, backfired, and she has entered a rehabilitation facility designed to help her get back on the "Just say NO" wagon as soon as possible. She thanks her fans for their sincere prayers for the recovery of her sanity and vows that her new responsibilities will NOT require her to double or triple up her anti-anxiety medication at this time. Please respect her privacy while she works with her therapist to answer the only question still unanswered from last night's chaos, "Good Heavens, WHAT kind of a dweeb AM I?!?"