Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Twin Boys

The twins did not want to co-sleep. They were okay with falling asleep on you, but they had reflux and they wanted to sleep on an incline. A crib and a big foam wedge was perfect for that. So in the morning I would hear them in their room and go in to get the day started. They didn't usually start up fussing. They woke up happy and chatty. But they were, you know, very young babies and didn't really do much.

Then one morning I woke up and walked in their room and they broke simultaneously into this full body happy dance. And I felt, in that moment, that the best thing that could ever happen to a woman is to have twins. I still feel that way. There are LOTS of horrible things that can happen to people, but having twins is not one of them. The pregnancy, I won't sugar coat that. It is hard on a woman's body -- even if you're 6 feet tall and skinny, and I was neither. The first six months after their birth -- that's hard on your brain. You don't sleep much. And the whole experience just forces you to toss that whole supermom junk out the window. You do what you have to do and then you move on. But it's beautiful. It's magic.

This week the twins are working on a growth spurt. Milo can't decide whether to be "big" or "yiddle". He can't decide if he wants to grow up or be "a baby." But Ben is sure. He is sure he wants to be big. He tells me frequently throughout the day that he's "very big" and he "just gwew, Mom". Today we were in a sporting good's store that is having a sale looking for replacement sandals for Max. Max was looking at sandals. Ben and Milo found a small display of one pound weights. They delighted in picking up the weights and hoisting them above their heads in weigh-lifter fashion. Ben told the sporting good's store girl that he was VERY strong. The girl was completely charmed.

And they are growing. They are eating five waffles at a sitting and two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and ordering up more. I cut them off and offer only milk at that point. Their jeans are rolled down a little more. Their roomy shirts aren't so roomy. Their new sneakers are already looking kind of snug. Their faces look more boyish, less babyish.

And yet in the middle of all this expansion they keep running back to me. I get a million little cuddles a day sitting in my corner typing. Up into the lap for a close cuddle. A happy sigh. A request for a kiss. Then it's wiggle, wiggle, wiggle back to the floor. Land on their feet and run away. "I'm running!" they narrate as they disappear around the corner.

And it's just all the more delicious because there are TWO and it's all happening at the same time and yet in wonderfully different ways.

So if it ever happens to you, and you tell me, and you're scared and worried and hoping I'll have something to say that will reassure you I can tell you already that my heart will be in my throat for you knowing what is ahead. That every worry, every stretch mark, even if you end up on bedrest, even if the pregnancy must deliver with a c-section, even if you feel completely unprepared because these are your first kids -- that it will all be worth it.

I know, I do, every pregnancy, every child is wonderful. I mean to take nothing away from the glorious experience of having a singleton pregnancy and the experience of raising that child. There was nothing lacking in raising Max. He is still my firstborn. The boy who turned me into a mother and the boy who continues to teach me what being a mother is. I don't wish to tarnish that at all.

I'm just saying that if you ask *me* if having twins is as fun, as cool, as great as it looks then my answer is, "Oh, yesss. Yes it is."


Amy said...

Those are some lucky boys living in your house (all four of 'em). What a beautiful post!

Anonymous said...

How wonderful! I don't know who's luckier - the boys for having you as a mom, or you for having such sweet boys. Must be a continuous feedback loop, kwim?

As an aside, are you doing to post new dog pictures? They did get their long-awaited cuts today, right? I've always heard that if you let a poodle's hair grow realllly long, it get a rasta/dreadloc look. Is that true?


kristen said...

it's the 15th on your side of the world - so



Kate said...

What a lovely sweet post! Thanks for sharing that, Alaska.


The Queen said...

Jill, the hair would get a rasta/dreadlock look if you didn't brush it. It doesn't matter how long it gets as long as you're willing to brush it--the dreadlock thing isn't automatic.

But IMHO dreadlocks only really look good on men and women who are carefully cultivating the look and have separated the strands so that the locks are relatively even. The hair is washed and kept clean, and big, flat matts aren't allowed to happen.

The same would be true for a poodle and frankly, if I'm going to go through THAT much work, I'm going to get the trim, milk bath, and manicure ;)

Kristen, thanks for the birthday wishes :)

Jill, off to take the "after" pictures.