Dy, I sat by the side of the football field tonight, madly typing away on material due to someone in the morning, and FROZE as a steady breeze blew and the sun sloooooooowly set. It was a big bummer and just WONDERFUL all at the same time. It feels so great to feel COLD.
Made me wish I had brought my knitting, but it was just as well. I got enough done that I actually ran out of things I could do (with the books I’d brought with me). I eyeballed the clock on the computer and tried to decide if I had enough time to go get a hot chocolate. I decided I did not.
My goal tonight is to stay UP until all my work is done. Then I am taking two days off. That looks like this.
ONE WHOLE DAY I am not working.
ANOTHER WHOLE DAY I am not working.
I can only do this because I am not behind on the one project and because as of tomorrow morning, the other will be done. I need to find another project, but I am feeling a wee bit burnt out and truly in God’s hands here, really never more so. So I assume that when I am reenergized here in a bit that more work will come.
Honest to goodness ways God got all up in my business this week:
1. Sunday night I spilled water on my one-and-only-laptop. It went silverscreen and then black. It sat there corpse like. I ran and got a hair dryer and talked to my brother-the-computer-guy and let him say reassuring words like data recovery. I felt TOTALLY bummed about not being able to finish my work, but the massive anxiety attack I would normally have completely failed to show up. I finished taking the laptop as far apart as I dared (mostly just freed the keyboard and took out the widget slot to get more air circulating) set it up in front of a fan, and then I prayed. I started by apologizing for praying about computer equipment but explained that, as he knew, I do not have the means to get a new computer this, um, year. Then I asked for comfort, and a working computer in the morning, and the ability to fall asleep instead of sitting there chewing my nails to nubs and getting more and more anxious. And I felt, about as much as a person can get a memo from God, that I was to set the alarm for 5pm, knit a few rows to chill out, and go to bed and it would work just fine at 5am. So I did. And I felt fine. And I got up at 5am when the alarm went off and put all the screws back in the computer and pushed the power button. And it worked fine. I finished the last few bits of the first unit due that morning and made the deadline for it. I finished the rest of it yesterday. So God answers prayers about computers, too.
2. Well, the second is too much information for the blog, but lets just say that I love my church, I love this particular ward, I love the Mormon Mafia and the individuals who make it up, not because they have to but because they sincerely believe It is the right thing to do and they take good feelings and feel paid. I love the Sister who will talk to my husband at the playground like a real human being and say with enthusiasm when she sees me at church on Sunday that she wants to have us soon for dinner. I love the soft little hiss of stress relief that I can hear when the house gets quiet. It is there on my twins face who are coming to think of a weekday as a day that they go to the playground with Daddy (and words as things to be sounded out, but That is a blog for another day). It is there in Max’s laugh and the way he is feeling free to test some boundaries. We were led to these changes and HE WILL SEE US THROUGH THEM as long as we let Him. Even a wretch like me.
3. Every time I start worrying about money and work this week, I just feel a strong message that I am NOT to worry about this. Only good things are in store. Be patient. Things will be more comfortable by Christmas. I am tired. I am feeling the side effects of that, but things are looking up. A day with my brother and SIL, a weekend with the Aunts and Grandma, absolutely no reason I should be up past ten pm for the next few weeks. That is GOD at work in my life, I tell you what J